It's bound to happen.
Not because you're a bad spouse or a terrible person.
Not even because you've fallen out of love.
After all, if you didn't love them, the bad days wouldn't hurt so much.
It will happen because no one wants their spouse to be sick. Yet, that's what our spouses are.
They are ill - chronically so - and that makes being married to them a little trickier sometimes. It requires a bit more patience, kindness, humor, and of course, love.
But sometimes, just sometimes, it's really disappointing to be married to someone who is chronically ill.
Take a breath because, it's okay to feel that way.
Say it aloud right now. Say it with me: "Sometimes I feel disappointed in my marriage, and that's okay."
It really is.
Maybe you didn't handle a situation in a positive way. Maybe you slipped up and blamed your spouse, rather than narcolepsy. Maybe you found yourself envying someone else's physically healthy marriage. Maybe you resented taking care of the kids, paying the bills, washing the dishes, or spending another night alone. Maybe you're just tired of having a spouse who's always tired. Maybe it's everything. Maybe it's nothing you can define.
The point is, it happens. Cry, pray, cry and pray, read this blog post and weep, whatever... and then let it go. The danger is not in feeling disappointed. Everyone feels disappointed in their relationship at some point, ill spouse or not. The danger looms when you dwell on the disappointment. Don't let yourself do that - ever. Fight the urge to focus on the negative! No matter what sort of day you're having, your marriage isn't all bad. Having a spouse with narcolepsy is not the worst thing that can happen to your family. Not by a long shot. So get it out, let it go, and move on.
Get it out.
Let it go.
Move on.
Journal, go for a walk, clean the bathtub, or put on some Ellie Goulding and dance your pain away. Whatever you do, let that disappointment go and get back to focusing on the positive.
If you want to save your marriage, that is.
I just sat reading this in tears. My husband and I just got into a huge fight....bottom line narcolepsy. I needed to read this. Ihavent checked your blog in so so long. God led me here tonight for this single post, amd I thank you for it...and all of them....from the bottom of my worn out heart.
ReplyDeleteI just sat reading this in tears. My husband and I just got into a huge fight....bottom line narcolepsy. I needed to read this. Ihavent checked your blog in so so long. God led me here tonight for this single post, amd I thank you for it...and all of them....from the bottom of my worn out heart.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I have tears just streaming down my face right now. I stumbled across your blog and this post just now while searching (as usual) about narcolepsy while my husband is in hour #14 of sleep that I can't get him to wake up from. Thank you so much for the reminder that it's never worth giving up- and I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteAs a person with narcolepsy, this scares me so much. My last marriage ended in divorce and I know my condition was a contributing factor. I'm scared to death to enter into a new relationship because I don't want to be a burden to anyone else. Really, I don't think I even possess the time or energy needed to carry on a relationship. I'm a (completely, since my first husband died) single mom working full time and I feel like I give the best part of myself to my job. By the time I get home, I HAVE to take a nap. My house is a wreck and I don't foresee that ever changing because I never have the energy to fully clean it and I don't have enough money to hire a maid. After my mandatory nap, I throw together something to eat and by then it's time for bed and the daily cycle just repeats. I'm not even a good mom; how in the world could I be a good partner to someone on top of that? Ugh. I really, really, really hate this disease. It has robbed me of SO much and I get very depressed when I let myself think about how different life might be without it.
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