Picture the life: You are intelligent, love to be active, involved, affectionate, and funny. But your illness makes you dull and slow. Mentally lethargic, you'd rather just listen to the conversation rather than participate. You can sometimes make it to the party, but the first thing you need to do is find a place to nap.
Such is the life of my husband, the narcoleptic.
Understandably, he gets down about his condition. A born list-maker, he always has a million things he wants to get done each day. Realistically, he often has to settle with just getting through the day. This frustrates him and sometimes saddens him. Many times he gets very sad. So sad that he feels hopeless. So hopeless that he feels like giving up. He swings from ranting to crying and back again, in an exhausting cycle of emotions that drains us both.
That's depression.
My husband didn't think he was depressed. He thinks that he's just "messed up" sometimes. While I certainly respect his opinion (it is HIS body, after all), I vehemently disagree. See, about 10 years ago, I was clinically depressed. Major depression was a large part of my life for many years. Too many. I spent years seeing psychiatrists and therapists, participated in group therapy, tried several different anti-depressants, and was even hospitalized a few times.
Nothing helped.
Eventually, I decided that if I was going to get well, I'd have to take matters into my own hands. When I did, I slowly got better and now all these years later, I know I made the right choice. But that's another post. My point is that, if nothing else, I recognize the symptoms of depression. I recognize them like I recognize the facial features in a photograph of someone I once hated. Someone who stalked me relentlessly, teased and tortured me, and fought tooth-and-nail when I was finally able to push them away. Yes, I know depression.
So what to do? If you suspect that someone you love suffers from depression, can you force them to get help?
No, but you can show them what healthy looks like.
In describing my experience with depression to my husband, I saw recognition in his eyes. Now I just have to introduce him to something else.
Hope.
I know that you don't have Narcolepsy. I just wanted to say that before I really dived into this post. But I need something. I need someone. Is anyone out there? I've looked for support groups where I live and come up with nothing, and I feel more alone than ever. Is there anyone there?
ReplyDeleteNikki
luhyababe@gmail.comI know that you don't have Narcolepsy. I just wanted to say that before I really dived into this post. But I need something. I need someone. Is anyone out there? I've looked for support groups where I live and come up with nothing, and I feel more alone than ever. Is there anyone there?
Nikki
luhyababe@gmail.com
I have a list of support groups posted in this link hope kt helps. Despite being diagnksed for over 11 years, i've yet to actaully meet another person with comdition in the flesh. I've found online support to be wonderful and made some amazing friends :) http://crazynarcolepsy.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/newly-diagnosed-sources-of-information.html
DeleteWow. I've been reading this blog for almost 2 years, and I'm just now really taking notice of this post.
ReplyDeleteFirst: Nikki: did you get the encouragement you needed??
Second: How can you not be depressed when you are tired all the time and feel than you can never accomplish the things you feel are are important and necessary? When the gap between who you feel you are and the reality presented to others is so great?
This is a great post, one which I'll be sharing with others :)
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your input - Nikki, I don't know if you ever received my email, but hang in there!
ReplyDeleteso nice to know im not alone!!! its disgustingly depressing and im sick of being misunderstood by everyone i love, we need to bring more awareness.
ReplyDeleteI have borderline narcolepsy and have had two very serious bouts with major depression. I don't recall having narcolepsy problems before my major depression. One of the features of major depression is sleep disturbance, and good circadian rhythms seem to be key to a healthy affect. Antidepressants up-regulate serotonin, which is an important driver for sleep. So it would not be unreasonable for there to be a neurobiological link between narcolepsy and depression.
ReplyDeleteIn my own situation, I am well supported. My partner does the driving and is not critical of my narcolepsy, which is mild. The disorder really causes me no stress or daily challenges. At the time it did cause me enormous job-related challenges, I was not depressed. In fact it was emotionally one of the best times of my life.
I notice that the thing that brings on a narcoleptic attack is bright light -- glaring sunlight or glaring headlights. You can start a timer, and 30 min later I'm out. I wonder whether my suprachiasmatic nucleus is being stimulated and is somehow stimulating sleep, in a miswired sort of way. Initiating sleep is a complicated process, and it takes a short lapse of time. So I'm wondering whether narcolepsy and depression are caused by the same thing -- screwed up neural machinery that regulates sleep cycles. I haven't looked into this much -- just had the idea on a long drive yesterday.