When Your Marriage Disappoints You

It's bound to happen.
Not because you're a bad spouse or a terrible person.
Not even because you've fallen out of love.
After all, if you didn't love them, the bad days wouldn't hurt so much.
It will happen because no one wants their spouse to be sick. Yet, that's what our spouses are.
They are ill - chronically so - and that makes being married to them a little trickier sometimes. It requires a bit more patience, kindness, humor, and of course, love.
But sometimes, just sometimes, it's really disappointing to be married to someone who is chronically ill.
Take a breath because, it's okay to feel that way.
Say it aloud right now. Say it with me: "Sometimes I feel disappointed in my marriage, and that's okay."
It really is.
Maybe you didn't handle a situation in a positive way. Maybe you slipped up and blamed your spouse, rather than narcolepsy. Maybe you found yourself envying someone else's physically healthy marriage. Maybe you resented taking care of the kids, paying the bills, washing the dishes, or spending another night alone. Maybe you're just tired of having a spouse who's always tired. Maybe it's everything. Maybe it's nothing you can define.
The point is, it happens. Cry, pray, cry and pray, read this blog post and weep, whatever... and then let it go. The danger is not in feeling disappointed. Everyone feels disappointed in their relationship at some point, ill spouse or not. The danger looms when you dwell on the disappointment. Don't let yourself do that - ever. Fight the urge to focus on the negative! No matter what sort of day you're having, your marriage isn't all bad. Having a spouse with narcolepsy is not the worst thing that can happen to your family. Not by a long shot. So get it out, let it go, and move on.
Get it out.
Let it go.
Move on.
Journal, go for a walk, clean the bathtub, or put on some Ellie Goulding and dance your pain away. Whatever you do, let that disappointment go and get back to focusing on the positive.
If you want to save your marriage, that is.

The Isolation of Narcolepsy

I feel a little down today.

This has been one of those weeks when I'm repeatedly reminded of just how much narcolepsy can isolate a person from the waking world.

Most people just don't get it. They watch your loved one fall asleep and judge. If your spouse isn't by your side, it's assumed that they must be asleep. They make jokes, or ignore you, or interrupt impatiently as your narcoleptic loved one searches for the right words. Sometimes, you get left out of dinners, parties, and anything else even remotely fun.

But it's not always someone else's fault.

Sometimes I decline invitations because I just don't want to deal with narcolepsy in a social setting. I don't want to nudge my husband awake, wake him when he begins to snore, or watch him worriedly as he fights to control a laugh. It can be exhausting, so at times I'd just rather stay home.

Then there are the let-downs: dates aborted because my husband is too tired to continue. Movies left unfinished... until further notice. Intimate moments become awkwardly silent. When one half of a partnership is always tired, the healthy spouse must quickly get used to the old adage, "let's play it by ear."

Much of the time, I'm okay. I have enjoyable hobbies, a few supportive friends, my volunteer work, and of course, my beloved child to fill my days with joy. But sometimes... narcolepsy leaves me lonely. Which leads me to days like today, when disappointment makes me a little weepy and I go to bed early.

Gray days are inevitable. But knowing that they can't last forever helps make it okay.