Thursday, September 8

I Had Some Thinking to Do

 I've been avoiding this blog.
When I began this blog, I had every intention of sharing all of my feelings and opinions regarding being married to a man with narcolepsy. I had hopes of my words being read by someone - anyone else who was experiencing what I was enduring every day. If my thoughts and experiences reached and helped anyone else, pouring out my heart (and guts) online was worth it.

I mention all of that because that's what makes me feel obligated to maintain this blog.

So my last hiatus was intentional. I actually didn't have anything to say! More accurately, I didn't have anything that I felt comfortable saying, despite my anonymity. I know that you don't know me personally. I know that things I say here probably won't get back to my husband.

But he is my husband.

Making certain comments about the man I love just doesn't feel right. So I've been following the old adage of waiting until I have something "nice" to say before saying anything at all. This isn't to imply that things have been terrible since I lasted posted in May...

in June - we had some car issues that month, nothing really major, but things that were annoying enough to render the car inoperable for days at a time. My husband happens to be great with cars, so he worked on it piecemeal until it was repaired and good to go.

in July - remember me mentioning the religious convention that we attend every summer? We attended again this year and this time, my husband did great! I was so pleasantly surprised. He stayed awake for most of the entire program. He also helped immensely with our daughter, managed some assigned responsibilities to help with the convention, and we had a lovely time.

in August - a very busy month! Our daughter had her first kiddie party, my sister announced her engagement, and my family began planning a reunion all around the same time. Also this month, my husband experienced narcoleptic fugue that led to a big mistake on his part. Although that mistake wasn't divorce-worthy, it was something that hurt me (emotionally). Once again I was torn between blaming my husband, or blaming his illness.

September - our wedding anniversary is this month. Last month, things were so trying that I wasn't even sure we had anything to celebrate. Barely making it through each day isn't exactly cause for celebration, right? Or is it? I guess it all depends on your mindset.

As of today, we're doing okay. Not bad, not good, but making it, hanging in there, and fighting for our marriage. For all of you hanging in there with us - thank you.

4 comments:

  1. Sometimes barely making it through each day is indeed something to celebrate.

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  2. i am so glad you haven't abandoned this blog. i was so happy when i found it -- looking for someone who understood what it was like for us on the other end. but then i noticed that you weren't posting and i was really disappointed. i understand not wanting to publicly complain about your husband online. i feel the same way about my partner. but i also know how hard it is to have nowhere to go with the things you are feeling and experiencing and what a difference it would make to have someone to talk to who truly gets it.

    so, hi. i get it. and i am glad you are writing.

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  3. I love to read your blog

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  4. Thanks Robin & Susan & Anonymous,
    I'm telling you, just having one person read and get it means the world to me.
    :o)

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