Tuesday, August 17

Does Narcolepsy Make It Ok?

After my husband slammed the door in my face, I dropped my head and stared at the floor for awhile. When our daughter asked "What's wrong? Why is Papa angry?" I gave her a brief explanation and quickly distracted her. But later, she came back to it, asking "Is Papa angry?" My response included "It's OK," before directing her attention to something giggle-worthy.

But is it OK? Does having narcolepsy make it OK to treat your family poorly?

Here's the scenario in a nutshell: the sleep center that "treats" him didn't have his prescription ready for pickup. (In the past they mailed it, but we put a stop to that when it was sent late every month). Before he drove all the way back there, I suggested we call first. He refused. I insisted. He refused again. We went back and forth for a bit, in an I-totally-disagree-but-I'm-calm way until he suddenly shouted at me, slammed the door in my face, and stormed to the car. I went outside, waving to him, but he ignored me and drove away.

I just wanted to remind him: don't drive angry.

I'm not one of those people who thinks an argument is the demise of a marriage. When two imperfect people live together, disagreements happen. But yelling and slamming things isn't good for any relationship unless you're WWE partners.

So is it narcolepsy's fault then?

I'm pretty confident that my husband will apologize later, and explain how he feels w/out his meds. I'll accept the apology and gently urge him to allow me to help him more. To be an advocate, I have to be allowed to help. I wanted to deal with the sleep center today, but he chose to go without me. I wanted to call to make sure that his 2nd
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
visit there wouldn't be a wasted one, but he wouldn't allow that either. No one likes to be made to feel incompetent, and I'm certainly not trying to make him feel that way.

But I'm not liking the way I'm feeling now either.
The answer? No. Nothing ever makes it "OK" to treat people you love like dirt. But sometimes there are valid excuses.

I'll let my husband give his later.

5 comments:

  1. Currently having one of those days with my husband. It seems like his meds really increase his irritability, but then again so does his lack of meds.

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  2. Sleep deprieved people are rarely merry to be around

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  3. Wow. I'm so happy I found your blog and just at the right time too. I was starting to feel so isolated as a narcoleptics wife and the negative bits that go with it. I'm so glad that I'm not alone. In the 13 years that I've lived along side this illness I've never found anyone who actually understands.

    You've also given me the courage and strength to sit down and begin to talk to my husband about howTHE NARCOLEPSY affects me, something I've never been able to do before. Thank you.

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  4. Thank you all for your comments. This was hard to post, but I'm glad I did. Even now, I can see how much things have improved.

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  5. Well, I have narcolepsy and I don't do that sort of thing. I lose my keys. I have constant short term memory loss. I fall asleep when I'm trying to concentrate. It's very annoying. People think I'm lazy, and I don't know anymore if they are right or not. Sometimes I take meds and sometimes I don't- because the effects seem to wear off. I try to work with it. But I don't yell at people and act out just because things didn't go my way. I mean, heck, 90% of the time, something is not going to go my way. You have to learn, in life, to control your temper. I don't expect my boyfriend to yell at me, and I expect myself not to yell at him. So, no. Speaking as someone who has narcolepsy, it doesn't make it okay. That's a matter of personality and learning to cope with feeling frustrated. He owed you an apology. He needs to work on being less testy or lashing out over his frustrations.

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